REVIEW: Tennis

Game: Tennis
Original Launch: October 1985
Relaunch: October 2010
Rating: 5 stars


It's hard to review old sports games. As much as you try, you can't ignore the bias you have from playing through years of gradual improvements. In football games, you now have a bigger playbook and the ability control different positions. In baseball games, you can now adjust your swing and pick different pitches. Basketball games now allow you to substitute players and set up a pick and roll. Luckily, tennis is a pretty basic game: Just hit the ball back and forth. For the most part, there's not a whole lot that needs changing.

Tennis for NES lets you play singles or doubles, but you'll need a second human player to be your doubles partner. There are five different difficulties to choose from, ranging from 1 (practically disabled) to 5 (borderline superhuman). You can hit regular shots and lob shots, and you can even spike the ball when you are close to the net. You can (kind of) angle your shots if you face your character the right way. Be careful though, because Mario won't hesitate to call your ass out of bounds.

Get used to it.

A hatred for Mario that I never knew existed steadily developed while I played this game. I always knew he worked for Nintendo, but I never knew he was such a partial, cheating, fanboy prick. There were several times when I couldn't help but think that Nintendo Tennis was an inside job. My shots would be within millimeters of the line, and the computer wouldn't even attempt a swing. Meanwhile, Mario sat smugly in his judge's chair, shouting down his unjust rulings. And of course, the computer rarely, if ever, hits the ball out of bounds. If you want points, you're going to have to work for them.

Mario's prejudices aside, Tennis is a decent game. Playing on difficulty 1 is pretty pointless. You can run laps around the court while you wait for your opponent to hit the ball. I played an entire game hitting only lob shots, and I still creamed him.



Difficulty 5, however, is a different story. You can't mess around if you want a chance to beat this guy. Playing on the highest difficulty can be frustrating, but at least it gives you a challenge and gives Tennis a little replay value.

The mechanics are decent, but not great. I got frustrated a lot when I thought I was lined up perfectly, and the shot just kind of fell at my feet. It would be nice if the computer would occasionally hit a ball or two out of bounds. And I wish you could player multiplayer versus matches, instead of just doubles. My biggest problem with Tennis is actually the length of the games. You always play a 5-set match, and most of my games took around 45 minutes to complete. They do go faster, though, when you are getting whooped on the higher difficulty.

Tennis had its moments, but I think its time has passed. There are too many better options out there now if you want a quick, fun tennis game (and if you don't want to deal with the unbelievable asshat that is Judge Mario).



Review in a Haiku
My shot was in bounds,
What a shock...you called it out,
Screw you, Mario.